These days, everyone posts reviews of movies online but they usually just review movies that are in the theaters right now. Well, I like to be a little different. I'm going to start posting movie reviews on my blog but none of the movies can be made after 2000. Here is a review of one particularly awful film that you should stay away from if at all possible.
Diamonds (1999)
I'm not really sure if this is supposed to be a comedy or a drama because it wasn't funny enough to make me laugh or dramatic enough to make me care. Kirk Douglas plays an ex-boxer/stroke victim who tries to bond with his son (Dan Aykroyd) and grandson by going on a road trip to Reno in order to find a long lost treasure. I didn't expect much from this film since it was directed by a man who was billed as "Smartass Mohawk" in the 1994 big-screen adaptation of Double Dragon. Yes, that's right. John Mallory Asher, the director, played a supporting role in a crappy movie about a so-so Nintendo game. But let's forgive him for that particular lapse of judgment. Let's focus on his lack of skill as a director. Not once did I believe that anyone attached to this film actually cared about what they were doing. Asher felt, for some reason, that the only thing he had to do to show a dramatic moment was to cue the violin music and zoom-out with the camera. Speaking of drama, whoever told Dan Aykroyd to pursue his dramatic abilities after "My Girl" and its groan-worthy sequel "My Girl 2" should be kicked in the head repeatedly. Even Kirk Douglas who had actually had a stroke prior to filming unnecessarily caused many embarrassing moments. If you need examples, just imagine him yelling about wanting to "get laid" and standing with his pants around his ankles with four dissatisfied prostitutes.
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